21.9.10

Thin White Duchess

Today's post will be in the format of esteemed blogger Delightfully Tacky, who has a wonderful habit of posting lovely, self-taken shots of her latest stylings in between portions of interesting narrative and musings on her life. Here's mine. You can just scroll through the pictures if you want, as some may do with Tacky's and as I used to do. Now, I read.
I'm counting down the final few days until I am moving to London. For those of you who don't know, I'll be interning for three months in the PR and fashion media industries - my dream industries - and, fingers and everything else crossed, will be able to find a related job while I'm there. I'll be living south of the river in a room in a flat full of strangers. I'm going there to find a job, make some new friends, and start on the path I've wanted to get onto for years.
But I mainly need to go to get out of this place. I've had the easiest year, but it's also been hard - I've been lonely, depressed and full of terror. I'm terrified now, because I'm leaving things and people that I love - friends, family, a job and a home - to jump, feet first, into a largely unfamiliar city. I do know people there, it's true. But a lot of what upsets me is that of the few I know, a lot of them are on the same path as me and are either fantastically successful very quickly or stuck in my boat.
There was something in the paper about how the most recent generation of graduates are giving up their dreams for the sake of security. That was me. I've had a great, secure year of working two jobs, one to keep me in shoes and one to keep my CV solid. Every time I read of a friend who has a job, has an interview, has another job, has been promoted, my standard response is to go straight to the nearest jobsite and apply. I binged on job applications.
But now, I read, I panic, then I smile, and remember that I've decided this, that this is no-one's life but mine. If it doesn't work out, I can come home to a strong and stable home, savings, friends, a city I know and love. Safety. Walking the tightrope. I have a net, but it's just there in case I need it, not because I'm actually going to fall.
I was speaking to a friend over a drink recently, and we were discussing points in our life when we were happiest. I said I was happiest in my first year of university, because I was young, free and single, with everything to play for. He looked at me for a second and then reminded me that that's exactly the situation I'm in now.
So here I am. Young, though not forever.
Free - no bad debts, no-one who needs my support, no obligations and all the time in the world. Single. And with nothing to lose and everything to gain.

4 comments:

  1. When I was 21, I went to Canada to do a masters. It something everyone has to do. Watch Cemetery Junction or Adventureland.

    People do this all the time. Don't worry, it'll do you good. Worrying won't make a difference.

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  2. I really hope to be doing what you're doing in a year or two! Good luck Red :) xxx

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  3. Where are you interning? Good luck!

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  4. Very honest. I understand that terror of freefall, as I suppose most of us do, but you put it into words very nicely. You ARE you, and lovely, and well spoken, too. :)

    xo

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