10.10.10

The ties that bind

Okayyyyyy....I'm back from a nice whistlestop return to my hometown. I got off the train and immediately felt a little repelled by the place - it's so bloody quiet compared to London and I love the pace of life here. But had a good time seeing family, checking that the pet was ok and having a truly fantastic Friday night out (after a few unscheduled disruptions) watching circus performers, seeing some truly impressive costumes, and raving til 3am with a friend with feathers on her face, three men in Speedos and a Matt Smith lookalike (sigh). Fantastic.
But I'm back now. Earlier existential crisis over. Doubts are flying around, and they got worse when I went home, city of uncertainty, failings and rejection. Spending too much time with too little to do and too much time to think about things - lack of job, friends I'm worried about, complicated situations with men, or rather so completely simple but made complicated by me. 
I think I really just have to leave it all behind, cut all ties with the place, with bad influences. He once said to me that you should never be with someone who makes you feel stupid, and I've seldom felt more stupid than when around him, or thinking about him. 
But I don't have time for that now, or I shouldn't. Returning home has only made me realise how badly I need to stay away, and how much I love living in London, even though I've only been here two weeks. So that's it. From now on, every opportunity will be grabbed, every road will be taken. I'm in no position to waste what I've been given.
So that's my new manifesto. From now on it's business as usual. I've got some excititing projects starting, interviews, new jobs, and a wardrobe just waiting to be explored. (Unfortunately, that wasn't a Narnia reference). The future is bright.
Oh, and I forgot to show you this ring I bought the other day - 5inchandup has the same one, excellent taste - from Camden. It probably counts as an offensive weapon.

7 comments:

  1. nice. rant about him publically

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anon, do I know you? And that wasn't a rant.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anon, you can't spell publicly :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anon, in case you come back...
    I'm not sure who you are, but I seriously can't see how what I wrote above can be construed as a rant. Since you chose not to identify yourself, I don't know how well you know me, the other person, or the situation. It was not intended to be a rant, to paint myself, or the other person, in a bad light. I'm just having a hard time stopping thinking about him, to be honest, and as this is about as 'public' as I can get, you'll just have to put up with it. This is my space, where I express my feelings.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow that ring is really amazing!! I am just wondering where you bought it?? I think I might need it...<3

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ida...I got it from a stall in Camden Market :)

    ReplyDelete