I felt like channeling some sort of woodland, elfin creature today. Having re-dyed my hair back to its traditional, trademark blood-red, I needed some other earth tones to match. And to match the latest collection from my employer.
Yeah. Good use of £7 right there. (Top, H&M, in the sale. Picked it up and put it back twice before making it to the till. Good move, especially belted.)
Had my obligatory existential crisis at about 10am today. After a weekend of tireless retail work, including my first abusive customer who called me an ignorant bitch, and another customer who was quizzing me about my degree. She looked scandalised when I said I couldn't get a proper job. She then made a naive observation that it won't be long before anything below a 2:1 would be useless. I did point out that it was already largely that way, and I saw her mentally remove her grandchildren from all English universities.
I was running late this morning, everyone at work is busy on a new pitch. Everywhere I look on social media channels there's talk of carol services, Christmas holidays and happiness. An old friend appeared for a conversation, only to disappear once again. A door closed.
But windows continue to open. As I said in an earlier post, every moment of happiness is matched by one of crippling sorrow. I am not crippled. I am sad sometimes. But you have to take the sad moments, when everything in your life seems so uncertain, terrifying and empty, and then you feel like a spoilt useless individual when you realise how good you have it and how small your problems are, and embrace them. Because it's that feeling of crushing fear that lets you know that you what you fear is losing the great things that you have, and never experiencing the great things that are no doubt to come. It's the fear that lets you know you're human, only human, and you have more than enough time to get everything done. And that life will find a way.